Write down the specific behaviour you want to stop, in your own words, and put two obstacles in front of it before you go to bed. That's the whole first move. You don't need a diagnosis, a therapist or a meeting to do it, and the people who eventually get free of this almost all started with something that small.
What the diagnosis actually says
Most people arrive here searching some version of "do I have a sex addiction". Worth knowing before you go further: that isn't a diagnosis anyone can give you. The DSM-5 left it out deliberately. "The concept of a sexual addiction is not included in the DSM-5, either as a diagnosis or an emerging measure and model."
What is recognised is [compulsive sexual behaviour disorder](https://www.findacode.com/icd-11/code-1630268048.html), code 6C72 in the World Health Organization's ICD-11. It describes "a persistent pattern of failure to control intense, repetitive sexual impulses or urges resulting in repetitive sexual behaviour", lasting six months or more, with real damage to your work or your relationships.
Where it sits in the manual matters. The authors who wrote it put it under impulse control disorders rather than with substance use, gambling and gaming, and they explained why in plain terms: "a relatively conservative position has been recommended, recognizing that we do not yet have definitive information on whether the processes involved in the development and maintenance of the disorder are equivalent to those observed in substance use disorders, gambling and gaming."
So the honest answer to "is this an addiction" is that the people who spend their careers on it aren't sure yet. That won't change what you do tonight. It should stop you swallowing anyone's certainty whole.
The line that protects you
The diagnosis carries an exclusion that a lot of people never hear, and it's the most useful sentence in the whole entry. "Distress that is entirely related to moral judgments and disapproval about sexual impulses, urges, or behaviours is not sufficient to meet this requirement."
Read that twice. Feeling terrible about your sexuality because someone taught you it was shameful isn't the disorder. The disorder is about lost control and real consequences. A large study across 42 countries with 82,243 people found "no sexual-orientation-based differences were present in CSBD levels". Whatever your orientation, it's not the cause and it isn't the problem to solve.
If a service leaves you feeling dirtier walking out than you did walking in, that's a signal about the service.
If you're still unsure whether any of this describes you, our guide on [whether your sexual behaviour is out of control](/guides/sex/is-my-sexual-behaviour-out-of-control) walks through the actual criteria without the quiz theatre.
Define your own bottom line
Here's what nobody tells you at the start: there's no single agreed definition of sexual sobriety. Fellowships disagree, sometimes sharply. Being handed someone else's rules in the wrong room is how a lot of people bounce out in week one.
Sex Addicts Anonymous handles this by refusing to define it for you. In their words, "the fellowship does not dictate to its members what is and isn't addictive sexual behavior. Instead we have found that it is necessary for each member to define his or her own abstinence." Members do it with three circles, and you can borrow the structure tonight without joining anything.
- **Inner circle.** The specific behaviours you're calling acting out. Be concrete. Name the site you open once everyone's asleep, and the app you reinstall every Friday. Vagueness is where relapse hides.
- **Middle circle.** The things that reliably lead you there. The second drink, the late shift, the scroll that starts innocent, the drive home past a particular road.
- **Outer circle.** What you do instead, written down before you need it. Things you'd actually do at 11pm on a Tuesday.
- **Read it to one person.** Or one page, if there's nobody yet. The secret is part of the compulsion. Saying it out loud is part of the recovery.
Keep it to one side of paper. You'll rewrite it in a month and that's normal. If you want the fuller version of this, it's the same skeleton as a [relapse prevention plan](/spaces/how-to-prevent-relapse).
Put two obstacles in front of it today
Two of them. That's the number. Whatever sits closest to your inner circle, make it slower to reach: hand the reinstall password to someone else, block the device you use at night, move the card out of the wallet. The next guide in this stream, [cutting off access to apps, cash and contacts](/guides/sex/cutting-off-access-apps-cash-and-contacts), goes through all four routes. Renovyn's [Shield](/shield) does the device side if you'd rather not rely on remembering.
Friction won't hold forever. It buys about ninety seconds, which is the whole point, because that's long enough to call someone or to [ride the urge out](/guides/sex/getting-through-an-urge-to-act-out).
Getting help in the UK
The NHS has no dedicated pathway for this, so most people end up paying privately, and that's where it gets risky. "Counsellor" and "psychotherapist" aren't protected titles here. The Professional Standards Authority is explicit: "Psychotherapists are not regulated by law, but can choose to join an Accredited Register, which ensures they adhere to good standards of practice." Anyone can print a card.
So check before you book. Look the practitioner up on the Authority's own register check, and ask two things on the first call: which Accredited Register are you on, and what's your approach to sexual orientation and to pornography. The answers tell you fast whether you're in safe hands.
On the evidence: a preregistered systematic review found 24 studies in total, of which only four were randomised controlled trials. There's early support for cognitive behavioural approaches, and the reviewers cautioned that "strong conclusions on the specificity of treatments should be drawn with caution". Medication is prescribed off-label and the evidence behind it is thinner still. Anyone promising you a cure is ahead of the science.
Free peer support exists too. Sex Addicts Anonymous UK runs a helpline on 0800 917 8497. Sexaholics Anonymous is a different fellowship with a fixed definition you should know before you attend: "for the married sexaholic, sexual sobriety means having no form of sex with self or with persons other than the spouse", where "spouse" means "one's partner in a marriage between a man and a woman", and for anyone unmarried, "freedom from sex of any kind". Some find that clarity steadying. Others will find no version of themselves in it. Either reaction is reasonable, and you're allowed to try a different room. We compare the main fellowships in [SAA, SA and SLAA, how they differ](/guides/sex/saa-sa-and-slaa-how-they-differ).
That 42-country study also found only 14% of people who met the threshold had ever sought treatment. If it took you years to type this into a search bar, you're in ordinary company.
If tonight is the bad night
If you're thinking about ending your life, call Samaritans on 116 123, free, any hour. In England you can also call 111 and press option 2 for urgent mental health support. Shame lies about how permanent this is.
Common questions
**Is sex addiction real?** The behaviour is real and the harm is real. The label is contested. What health systems recognise is compulsive sexual behaviour disorder, classified in ICD-11 as an impulse control disorder, and the people who wrote that classification said openly that they don't yet know whether it works the way a substance disorder does.
**Can I stop on my own?** Some people do, usually by changing their environment rather than by trying harder. Start with the bottom line and the two obstacles. If you've been at it alone for months and the pattern hasn't moved, that tells you the next step involves another human being.
**How do I know if I have a problem or just a high sex drive?** Frequency isn't the measure. The questions are whether you've repeatedly tried to stop and couldn't, whether it's cost you things you cared about, and whether it's been going on six months or more. Distress that comes only from believing your sexuality is wrong doesn't meet the definition.
**Will telling my partner make it better?** Sometimes, eventually, and it depends entirely on how it's done. Don't do it tonight in a panic after reading this. Prepare it properly, ideally with support, and read [what to tell a partner](/guides/sex/disclosure-what-to-tell-a-partner) before you say a word.
Sources
- [Compulsive sexual behaviour disorder in the ICD-11, World Psychiatry](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5775124/): Why 6C72 sits under impulse control disorders and not with the addictions.
- [ICD-11 6C72 diagnostic entry](https://www.findacode.com/icd-11/code-1630268048.html): The criteria and the moral-distress exclusion.
- [Compulsive sexual behavior disorder in 42 countries, Journal of Behavioral Addictions](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37352095/): The 4.8% high-risk and 14% treatment-seeking figures, and the absence of orientation differences.
- [Treatments and interventions for compulsive sexual behavior disorder, a preregistered systematic review](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36083776/): 24 studies, four randomised trials, early evidence for cognitive behavioural therapy.
