Ask for one shared change, not a household policy. Make everything else a setting on your own profile, which nobody else has to agree to. And say what you want rather than what is wrong with you, because "I keep losing my mornings and I want them back" is something a person can help with, while a confession invites a discussion you did not want.
Why this needs saying at all
Watching is usually shared. The television is in the room everybody uses, the account is on one email address, and the evening is a thing you do together.
Which means half of what you want to change is not yours to change unilaterally. Turn the telly off at eleven and someone else's evening ends too. That is why the quiet approach fails: you cannot secretly reform a shared room, and trying tends to produce a fortnight of small irritations and then a row about something else entirely.
The other half genuinely is yours, and it is more than people assume.
Split the list first
Before any conversation, work out which column each change sits in. Do the right-hand column tonight and only ask for the left.
| Needs the household | Yours alone | |---|---| | A sleep timer on the shared television | Autoplay next episode and autoplay previews, which on several services are set per profile | | Turning the TV off at a fixed time on work nights | Your phone's bedtime or downtime schedule | | Where the remote lives overnight | Where your own charger lives overnight | | What gets started after ten | Whether you follow them upstairs or go to bed | | Which nights are TV nights | Deciding your title at lunchtime rather than browsing at nine |
Most people find the right-hand column covers the majority of what they actually needed. If that is you, do it quietly and skip the conversation entirely. Nobody has to sign off on your own profile settings.
Ask for one thing
If you do need something shared, ask for the smallest version of it.
One thing has a fair chance of being agreed and kept. A list of five reads as a set of new rules imposed on somebody who was perfectly happy, and it will be resented by Thursday even if they say yes on Monday.
Good single asks, in rough order of how easy they are to say yes to:
- "Can we put a sleep timer on the telly for eleven on work nights?"
- "Can we not start a new one after ten on a school night?"
- "Can the remote live in the drawer once we've finished?"
- "Can we pick what we're watching before we sit down instead of scrolling for twenty minutes?"
Each of those is specific, time-bounded and small enough to try for a week.
Say what you want, not what is wrong with you
The framing does most of the work here.
**This works:** "I keep losing my mornings and I want to stop. Would you help me with one thing?"
**This does not:** "I think I've got a problem with watching too much television."
The second version invites a debate about whether you have a problem, which you will lose because the other person watches roughly the same amount and does not feel bad about it. It also makes the conversation about a label rather than about your Tuesday morning.
It is worth knowing, if the debate does start, that there is nothing to win. There is no agreed clinical definition of problematic binge-watching. The research literature says so directly: it "remains ill-defined and conceptualized". So neither of you can prove anything, which is a good reason to stay on the ground where you both have facts, which is what your mornings look like.
When the answer is no
Sometimes it is. They like their evenings, they do not have your problem, and they did not ask for this.
That is allowed. What you do then:
- Take everything in the right-hand column and do it. It is more than half.
- Go up at your time rather than staying to keep them company. This is the hard one, and it is the one that works.
- Move your own charger out of the bedroom, which is the change with the most evidence behind it. The UK Chief Medical Officers' family advice is one line: "Getting enough, good quality sleep is very important. Leave phones outside the bedroom when it is bedtime."
- Ask again in a few weeks, once you have something concrete to point at. "I've been getting up at seven for a fortnight and it's much better" is a stronger argument than a request was.
What you do not do is start policing their watching. That is the fastest way to turn your change into their problem, and it will end the cooperation you were hoping for.
If there are children in the house
Two things worth separating.
The CMOs' advice about phones and bedrooms is aimed at families and is straightforward to apply. Devices charge downstairs, everybody's, including yours. Applying it to yourself as well is what makes it a household norm rather than a punishment.
The second thing is harder and more useful: a rule you visibly keep is worth more than one you announce. If the telly goes off at nine for them and stays on until one for you, the rule is about them rather than about the household, and older children notice that immediately.
The version where you both do it
The best outcome, and worth offering, is a shared experiment rather than your reform.
"Shall we try a fortnight where we pick one thing and put the telly off by half ten on work nights?" A fortnight has an end date, which makes it much easier to agree to than a permanent change. And a fortnight is long enough to notice the difference in the mornings, which is what makes anybody want to continue.
If it goes well, the settings piece is worth doing together, because [some of them are per profile and some are shared](/guides/streaming/autoplay-and-the-settings-that-matter) and it saves a lot of confusion to know which is which. And if the first few earlier nights are difficult, which they usually are, [that is normal and it settles](/guides/streaming/the-first-week-of-earlier-nights).
Common questions
**How do I ask my partner to stop watching so late?** Ask for one specific, time-limited thing rather than a general change, and frame it as what you want rather than what they are doing wrong. "Can we put the telly off by half ten on work nights for a couple of weeks" is a request. "You watch too much" is a verdict.
**What if they don't want to change anything?** Do everything that is yours alone, which is more than most people expect, and go to bed at your time even if they stay up. Then ask again later with a fortnight of better mornings behind you.
**Can I change the settings without affecting everyone else?** On several services autoplay is set per profile, so yours can be the strict one while nobody else's changes. Sleep timers on the television and where the remote lives are shared, and those are the ones worth asking about.
**Should I tell them I think I have a problem?** You do not have to, and there is no agreed definition of one to appeal to anyway. Describing the effect on your mornings is more accurate and much more likely to get you help.
Sources
- [UK Chief Medical Officers' commentary on screen-based activities, 2019](https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/uk-cmo-commentary-on-screen-time-and-social-media-map-of-reviews). The family advice on sleep and leaving phones outside the bedroom, and the statement that the research is not conclusive enough for guidelines on amounts of screen use.
- [Negative Affect and Problematic Binge-Watching, 2022](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36246519/). That problematic binge-watching remains ill-defined, so there is no label for either side of the argument to appeal to.
- [Association Between Portable Screen-Based Media Device Access or Use and Sleep Outcomes, JAMA Pediatrics](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27802500/). The association between bedtime device use and worse sleep, and the finding that access without use still tracked with worse sleep.
