Prepare one sentence and say it first, before you have time to soften it. "I eat large amounts of food in one go, I can't stop while it's happening, and I feel awful afterwards." Then ask for one specific thing. The person can be a friend, a partner, a GP or a Beat adviser, and a GP is the one that leads anywhere.
The secrecy is not a side effect of this. It is part of how it keeps running, which is why saying it out loud once changes more than it seems like it should.
Why the first sentence has to be prepared
Because unprepared, it comes out as a joke or an apology.
"I've been a bit greedy lately." "I've got no self-control." "I need to sort my diet out." Every one of those invites the reply you least need, which is a diet suggestion, and none of them describes what actually happens.
So write it down and use these words, or close to them. The three parts that matter are the amount, the loss of control, and the distress afterwards. Those are the parts a clinician recognises, and they are the parts a friend cannot argue you out of.
*"I eat large amounts of food in one go. I can't stop while it's happening. I feel awful afterwards, and it's been going on for months."*
Say it first, before context, before the story of how it started. If you build up to it you will not get there.
Who to tell first
There is no correct order, but there is a useful distinction.
**A GP is the one that changes what happens next.** They are the door to treatment, and the NHS instruction on eating disorders is to see a GP as soon as you can. They will ask about your eating habits and how you are feeling, and may refer you to an eating disorder specialist or team.
**A friend or partner is the one that changes the loneliness.** That matters, but it does not by itself get you assessed.
**Beat is the rehearsal.** Their advisers are trained to have this conversation and you will never meet them. "You don't need a formal diagnosis to use our Helpline." A lot of people find that saying it once to a stranger makes saying it to a GP possible.
If you are not sure which pattern you are describing, [is this binge eating or something else](/guides/food/is-this-binge-eating-or-something-else) sorts out the words before you use them.
Ask for one specific thing
"Support me" is not actionable and nobody knows what to do with it. Pick one.
- *"Don't comment on what I'm eating, either way."*
- *"Don't talk to me about diets or what you're cutting out."*
- *"Eat dinner with me on weeknights."*
- *"Ask me on Sunday how the week went, then let it go."*
- *"Come to the GP appointment with me and sit in the waiting room."*
That last one is worth taking seriously. The NHS acknowledges that it can be hard to admit you need help and suggests bringing someone supportive to the appointment.
Note what is not on that list. Do not ask anyone to police your eating, lock cupboards or check on you at night. It turns them into a monitor, it makes food more loaded, and scarcity and rules are the part of this that makes it worse.
What people get wrong, and what to say back
They mean well and they will still get it wrong. Have one line ready for each.
**"Just eat less."** *"That's the thing that makes it worse. The advice I've been given is to eat regularly."*
**"I'll do a diet with you."** *"Thanks, but dieting sets it off. I'm not trying to lose weight, I'm trying to stop bingeing."*
**"You don't look like you have an eating disorder."** *"You can have this at any weight. That's what the guidance says."* Beat is explicit that it is possible to have binge eating disorder and be within the healthy weight range.
**"Everyone overeats."** *"This isn't overeating. I can't stop while it's happening."*
You are not obliged to run a seminar. One line each, then move on.
Saying it to a GP
Take notes with you. Ten minute appointments go badly when you are reconstructing a fortnight from memory.
Write down when episodes happened over the last two weeks, times rather than amounts, and anything that follows them. Then use the sentence, and add whichever of these is true, because they change what happens next.
- *"Afterwards I make myself sick, or take laxatives, or don't eat the next day, or exercise to make up for it."*
- *"Most of the time I'm trying to eat as little as possible."*
- *"I'd like to be referred."*
The NHS names guided self-help programmes and cognitive behavioural therapy as the main treatments, so it is reasonable to ask directly which is available locally and how long the wait is. What that route looks like is in [NHS treatment, Beat and the fellowships](/guides/food/nhs-treatment-beat-and-the-fellowships).
Renovyn logs the times quietly in the background if you would rather not carry a notebook into a waiting room.
If it goes badly
Sometimes it does. A parent gets upset, a partner takes it personally, a friend suggests a meal plan within thirty seconds.
That is a fact about them, not about whether you should have said it. Two things to hold on to. You only have to do the first telling once, and it gets easier each time after. And a bad reaction from a friend has no bearing on the GP appointment, which is the one that leads somewhere.
If the person you told cannot handle it, tell one more person and stop there. You are not looking for a consensus.
If you need someone tonight
Beat's helplines are open 3pm to 8pm, Monday to Friday: England 0808 801 0677, Scotland 0808 801 0432, Wales 0808 801 0433, Northern Ireland 0808 801 0434. Calls are free from UK landlines and mobiles and do not appear on itemised bills. Beat is clear that it does "not operate a crisis service" and its staff are "not medically trained".
If you are in danger tonight, Samaritans is 116 123, any hour.
Common questions
**What if they suggest a diet?** Expect it, and have the line ready: dieting is what makes bingeing worse, and the national guideline tells clinicians to advise against trying to lose weight during treatment. You do not have to persuade them, just decline the offer.
**Do I have to tell my family?** No. One person is enough, and a GP or a Beat adviser counts. Telling people you live with helps mostly when you can ask them for something concrete, like eating dinner together.
**What exactly do I say to the GP?** Amount, loss of control, distress, frequency, duration. Then say whether anything follows the eating to compensate, and ask to be referred. Bring dates from the last fortnight.
**Can I talk to Beat instead of someone I know?** Yes, and many people start there. You do not need a diagnosis, the advisers are trained for this conversation, and it is often what makes the GP appointment possible. It is not a substitute for the appointment.
**What if I cannot say it out loud?** Write it down and hand it over, or send it in a message. A GP receptionist will pass a note, and a written sentence counts as having said it. The words are the same either way, and [how to stop binge eating](/guides/food/how-to-stop-binge-eating) has them.
Sources
- [NHS, Binge eating disorder overview](https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/binge-eating/overview/). What a GP appointment involves, bringing someone with you, and the main treatments.
- [NHS, Eating disorders](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/eating-disorders/). The instruction to see a GP as soon as you can, and what a referral involves.
- [Beat, Helplines](https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/get-help-for-myself/i-need-support-now/helplines/). No diagnosis needed, opening hours, and the limits of the service.
- [NICE guideline NG69, Recommendations](https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng69/chapter/Recommendations). The advice against dieting during treatment, and regular meals and snacks.
